You Like Hamsters?
by Felt-Tipped Pens
Summary: In a devious ploy to win a bet made with Ron and Dean, Harry learns Draco's dirty little secret. HP .x. DM -Lemonishness-


Title: You Love Hamsters?!

Author: Felt-Tipped Pens

Pairing: Draco .x. Harry

Rating: T

Genre: Humor

A/N: This is our fourth story, though the third to be posted. Jayden came up to me the other day and told me that she wanted to write a Harry Potter fic with me. I was floored, because I've been writing HP for a bit now, and she didn't want to beta my story because she didn't know anything about HP. But, she decided that she knows enough to help me write one. So, we sat down today and got busy writing. (We have a new method of writing now. We find a picture that inspires us, add it to the top of the word document, then go from there. It really helps us both have the same vision, though that isn't really necessary as it seems we can telepathically communicate anyways...heh.) Anyways, we have written this little crackfic for you all so that you can see how random we are after staying up for too long (Until 6 in the morning...) writing for you. We hope you enjoy this, and tune in for the third story we have written together, _My First Time_. On to the story!

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"And so last week, I attended this party with Bathida Bagshot, and it was so boring I felt as if I were going to fall asleep. Potter…Are you listening to me?"

Harry turned to face the blonde haired Slytherin. "Um, actually, Draco…no. I wasn't. I was preoccupied watching the grass grow. _Please, continue_."

Draco's steely grey eyes narrowed. "You know Potter, you're really starting to piss me off. You never listen to me. I don't know if this relationship is going to work out so well."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Draco, you sound like a whiney little bitch. You're right; I never listen to you. So why do you even bother to talk to me? Just like to hear yourself speak?"

Flustered, Draco got up from where he was sitting and began walking toward the park exit. That Potter kid was nothing but an impertinent, arrogant wanker who just didn't know when to shut up.

Harry watched his boyfriend go. This was their first date, and it really hadn't gone well. Draco had asked Harry out just one week before, and Harry had agreed on a dare. He didn't know why he thought that a relationship with his most hated enemy would work, but he guessed that it was worth a try.

Draco glanced back over his shoulder to see if the brunette was following him, like he should've been. But there was no skinny little rat of a puppy biting at his ankles. And that, he would never admit out loud, was agitating. How could Potter _not_ follow him? He turned around and stormed back to his poor excuse for a boyfriend.

Harry looked up at the sound of stomping footsteps drawing closer to him. Draco seemed pissed, and Harry knew why. He hadn't followed the boy like a good little pet. He had held his ground and stayed put. Harry smirked to himself and waited for Draco to draw even with him.

Draco was fuming. He stomped right up to the still-seated brunette and placed both of his hands on his hips. "What the bloody hell, Potter?"

Harry looked up into his boyfriend's eyes with mock innocence shining in his own emerald pools. "Oh, Drakeypoo…did I do something wrong?" He queried with false sincerity.

"Don't Drakeypoo me, Potter. You know exactly what you didn't do!"

Harry stood up with catlike grace and moved closer to Draco. "Oh, _darling_, you can't stay mad at me, can you?" He made eye contact with someone behind Draco, then leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the blonde's neck.

Slightly taken aback, Draco took a step backwards, causing the Potter boy to press his body even closer than it had already been. "What in the blazes has gotten into you, Potter? Just…Get off me."

Leaning in, Harry whispered in Draco's ear, "Oh, you're giving ground now? Not very Malfoy of you, is it _sweetheart_?" Louder, he whined, "_Draaaaccccoooo_, please forgive me? I'm sorry I made you angry…"

"You're embarrassing me! Get off. Now," he firmly instructed, pushing the boy away.

As the scene was playing out, a tall man with platinum blonde hair swept into the park with a dour, dark haired man on his arm. He was saying, "Oh, Sev…don't be that way. You know that Draco adores you. Becoming a Malfoy will only strengthen his feelings for you. And he is dating that Potter boy now. Didn't you have a promise to the boy's mother? Marrying me will allow you to do that much easier. You know you agree with me, don't even try to deny it."

The blonde boy spotted his father and pulled Harry into bushes. "Damn it all to hell, Potter. I hope that my father hadn't seen what was unfolding. If he has, I will--"

Harry shoved Draco's face into the dirt to get him to shut up. "You know," he whispered, "Talking as loudly as you were will only garner his unwanted attention. If you shut up, we have better chances of being able to hide successfully." While Draco was on the ground, Harry took the time to admire the view. Draco's robe had lifted up a bit, as had his shirt, and his pants were sliding down his hips. Then Harry's eyes zeroed in on something surprising. Draco's boxer shorts.

"What's so funny, Potter? Why are you snickering like that? …Harry?"

"Ham…hamsters? Oh, Draco…not just any hamsters either…. Hamtaro boxer shorts? How old are we again?" Harry didn't even try to hide his snicker behind a hand.

"W-What are you ta-talking about Potter? I have absolutely no idea…Oh…Yeah…those. It was the last pair I had…the rest were dirty…erm…"

Harry raised a dark eyebrow. "_The_ Draco Malfoy suffered from a case of nothing to wear? With all of his millions of clothes, not a single pair of silk boxer shorts were clean, save these? And with all those house elves to wash your laundry? And with your ability to cast a scourgify charm on your clothes if need be, you still did not have any choice but to wear this highly embarrassing pair of silk boxer shorts? Oh, I just can't believe that. And where did you even get such a pair of boxer shorts? Does Lucius know about them?"

Draco's hand flew up and covered Harry's mouth as he watched his father walk by them. "Shut up you idiot! Shut up!" After his father was a safe distance away, he removed his hand from the brunette's mouth and looked down at the ground, slightly embarrassed. "They were from my aunt."

Harry took pity on his boyfriend. It helped that he found Draco's blush to be incredibly cute. "Oh, Draco…it's ok." He leaned in and whispered huskily into the other boy's ear, "I happen to find hamsters very…appealing. Especially on you." His breath tickled Draco's ear.

The blonde pressed his lips to the other male's and with the slip of a tongue, they were making out, in the garden, on the dirt. Draco pulled away from Harry, breathless, and smirked. "How'd you like that, Potter? I'm pretty good, aren't I?"

"So arrogant, Draco. But I'm going to tell you something…I'm better." Harry pinned Draco down and kissed him cross-eyed. His hands went wandering, and he felt no resistance from Draco. Just as Harry's hand went down Draco's pants, a camera flash went off and the sound of a boy's giggle could be heard over the other two boys' panting.

Immediately, Draco shoved Harry off of him and sat up, red in the face. "What the bloody hell are you doing, Creevy?! I am going to hex you straight into next week!"

Harry broke out into hysterical laughter. He knew that, in order to fulfill the terms of his bet, he would need documented evidence of him making the moves on Draco. So, he had hired Collin to snap a few pictures and give them to Ron and Dean. They were sure to love it.

Collin noticed the look on Draco's face that promised a painful maiming if he didn't haul ass and get lost. So he did just that. Harry watched him go, then turned back to Draco. "Don't give me that look, Draco Lucius Malfoy. You know that I am not afraid of you."

Draco looked at Harry with utter loathing in his eyes. "I hate you, Potter." He got up and left the park, but not before making sure he looked impeccable once more.

Harry heaved a sigh and ran a pale hand through his hair. "Not as much as you are going to, my love. You have no idea." Draco was too far away to hear Harry's words.

Back in the Gryffindor common room, two days later, Ron and Dean were bent over something on a table. Harry walked over and joined them. "Hey mates, what are you looking at?"

Ron and Dean shared a look, then slipped the paper over to Harry. It was the Daily Prophet, and on the front cover was a three-quarters size picture of Harry dominating Draco in the park, one hand down the Slytherin's pants, and Draco's Hamtaro boxers showing for all the Wizarding world to see. Harry had the good grace to blush.

"So, the bet went off without a hitch. Good work, mate," Ron said to his best friend.

Harry felt bad, especially when he read the paper's headline:

YOUNGEST MALFOY LOVES HAMSTERS AS WELL AS GRYFFINDORS

Draco would never speak to him again. Not after this. Harry let his head drop on to his arms and salty tears leak from his eyes. Neither Ron nor Dean knew what to do about their friend, so they left him alone and went to play Wizard's Chess.

_Fin_


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